The Rebellion of Loyal Minds
by Purple-Grape-Juice
Summary: Marauder era, Layla has been "one of the boys" when it comes to the Marauders for her entire life, but what happens when she thinks she might have morethanfriendly feelings for a certain wolfish boy? probably slightly AU nothing specific RemusxOC.
1. Propositions and Lack of Sleep

This boy would not give up

I own nothing that you recognize! This is my first story, so I hope you like it at least a little. Please review! Also, I'm looking for a beta, so… speak up if you're interested.

--

This boy would not give up. I sat on a couch in the Gryffindor common room and stared at him impatiently.

"Well, see Layla, I was … uh … I mean, you know how much I like you, and…"

"Jake," I interrupted softly, "I really don't think you should finish that sentence."

He continued stuttering through his proposition and I sighed, looking away. Ah, yes, of course, Sirius sat by the windows playing chess with Remus. Barely able to contain his laughter, he proceeded to silently imitate Jake behind his back. See, for some awkward reason unknown to the rest of us, Jake Walker took an interest in me about year ago when we were fifth years and has refused to let it go. I glared at Sirius with a "shut it!" look, worried that Jake would see.

Logically, I should just say yes and get it over with. Sure, going out with him for a few months has got to be less painful than these pursuits of his… right? Ugh. This just has to stop.

I looked back at Jake, shifting in my seat but being careful not to brush up against him in any way. I focused back in on what he was saying. "… just think that maybe if you gave it a chance it could really be grea-"

"Jake. Stop. It wouldn't be fair. I don't see you that way you see me, and any attempted relationship would be unfair to both of us." Why does no one understand the logic behind this argument of mine? James thinks I'm making excuses. So what if I am?

_He ambushed me after class one day. "Heard about Jakie's latest attempt. Still denying him, there, Layla?"_

"_Oi, Prongs, he's not much worse than you are with Lily so I suggest you just shove it up your arse."_

"_Fiesty, eh? Aw, Lay, we all know why you can't bare to look at any other bloke in our year."_

"_Any __**other**__ bloke?"_

"_Oh come on don't pretend you don't know. Everyone does. Except maybe Moony. Which is proving to be a problem for you, isn't it"_

I had kicked him in the shins and stormed off down the hall. Am I really that transparent?

Right, back to Jake. See, he's a … for lack of a better word, he's a gentleman. He's nice, he compliments me, he doesn't curse in my presence, he would never harm a girl, he doesn't talk in class, he holds doors open for me, he carries my books, he takes notes, hands in his work on time, never gets detentions… I can't stand it. Consider me brainwashed by these four boys I spend time with, fine. Growing up with the Marauders does tend to put the Angel Boys in your bad book. Yes, I just called Jake an Angel Boy. Deal with it. I mean, that's not to say I've got my eye on any prankster like Prongs or Padfoot, but… I don't know, the Marauders aren't all that bad once you get to know them. Not that I had a choice in the getting-to-know-them matter. I live in a flat in London right near James, and … well, let's just say I never get bored in the summer.

What was happening? Oh, right. Glancing back at Sirius I saw that he had turned his attention to the chess game in front of him, having had his queen taken by Moony while he was so busy laughing at me. Moony, on the other hand, leaned back in his chair and smirked at me. _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

Alright, I had let Jake ramble on long enough. "Okay, well, look Jake. I just don't think it's a good idea." I stood up and stretched, letting the blanket I had been covered in fall to the floor as Jake stumbled over more words and I ignored him.

I surveyed the room. Moony and Sirius playing chess, Prongs doing his homework suspiciously close to Lily, and Wormtail lying in a chair by the fire half asleep.

"I, my friends, am going to bed," I declared. No one cared. Well, Sirius sort of nodded in my direction without actually looking at me, and I thought I heard Jake ramble on about dreams and peaceful sleep but I can't say I was listening. Whatever.

Pausing at the bottom of the girls' stairs, I glanced back at Moony. He looked up from the chess game just in time to catch my eye and smiled. More of a smirk, but can you really blame him after that display of unreciprocated affection that just took place in the middle of the common room?

"'Night, Layla," he called quietly, and I smiled before turning up the stairs to head to bed.

--

I promise I'm not usually such a horrible person. It's just that when it comes to Jake, my patience has sort of diminished over the course of a year. AN ENTIRE YEAR. Some people just don't get it, do they?

The Marauders have always found it funny, though – his pursuits. Poor Jake, they just won't let him be. Seeing as he won't let **me** be, though, I think I'm quite alright with them bugging him all they want.

I live in London with my older sister. She's 22 and she works at St Mungo's as a healer. Our parents split up when we were younger and Dad moved to the states, so I stayed at the flat with Mum. There was a complex couple months of who-owns-the-flat-and-who-lives-in-it, but now I live there with my sister Safia and Mum lives in Australia, at least for now. But that's all beside the point. The Potters have quite a lot of cash, and they own an entire floor of the building, so on vacations, Pete, Moony, and Sirius always come to visit… and somewhere along the way I got swept up in the madness.

Back to the dorm. No one was on their way to bed, yet, everyone was still down in the common room, so I had the bathroom to myself. I walked in to brush my teeth, pulling my hair back into a pony tail. It's long, past my shoulders, but not too long, and it's dark dark brown with the tips dyed blue. The blue was sort of a mistake, but … hey, that's ok, I don't mind it. As for the rest of me, I've got my ears pierced multiple times, my nails are always a different color and I've got bunches of bracelets and anklets. I'm short, about 5'4", and not incredibly skinny. I mean, I'm not fat, not even chubby, I'm just… me. I'm an avid fan of sweatpants, jeans, and sweatshirts. Yay for comfort. Nay for school uniforms… ugh.

Teeth brushed, face washed, bladder emptied.

I stepped out of the bathroom and looked around to make sure none of my dorm mates had come up yet. Look left, look right, all clear. I sprinted over to my bed and jumped (catapulted myself) onto it, landing spread out flat on my stomach. I squirmed around and got under the covers, rolled over, and fell asleep before I could decide what homework to work on. I guess I was tired.

--

I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. Bad dreams. Sitting up I noticed that everyone was in their proper bed, sleeping soundly. Well, all except Kayleigh. She's probably my closest female friend, which really doesn't say much. She sat in her bed writing a letter. I climbed out of my covers and walked quietly over to her, sitting on the edge of her bed and wrapping my arms around my legs.

"Whatcha writing?"

"To my brother. To get him to tell my other brother that my other brothers are misbehaving and need to be shut up, but that they won't listen to me." Kayleigh has a lot of brothers.

"Ah, yes, naturally. I can't sleep."

She didn't respond, and I rolled my eyes as her quill flew frantically over the parchment. "Yes, well, I know you're just so sympathetic to my lack of sleep, but I think I'm going to go downstairs for a bit. Don't write through that paper, there."

"Hah, hah," was her only response.

I walked down the stairs in my sweatpants and old t-shirt, expecting to see no one. There was a figure on the couch by the fire, and upon closer inspection I saw that it was Remus. Walking up quietly, I sat down next to him.

"Layla," he said, "you're up late."

I shrugged and stretched out my arms and legs. He stopped reading whatever he was reading and put it on the table in front of us, turning towards me. He was so close… I could smell him. The perfect mix of deodorant, woods, and campfires. I don't know why he smells like that, but all I know is that it's amazing. Yes, I agree, I think I'm going crazy.

I smiled at him. "And you're not?"

He laughed quietly. He's usually up late for a few days before the full moon. Something about his body cycle changing to prepare itself for the full change. Yes, I am aware of the fact that one of my best mates is a werewolf, and yes, Pete, Sirius, James, and I are all anamagi. They let me learn how to change with them but they won't let me go out with them on the full moon. It's the one thing they won't let me do with them (well, besides sleep, pee, and other… male things) and it's sort of a compromise I have to deal with. It was hard in the beginning, and I tried not to listen to them and just go anyway, but it turns out werewolves aren't exactly super friendly with cats. I don't think my left foot ever completely healed…

I'm up late a lot too, because of the nightmares. So we meet, Remus and I, in the common room a lot. We don't really talk about why we're there, since it's not exactly a fun topic on either of our parts, but he always manages to calm me down and get me to sleep again.

"So I haven't seen you in a while," he said.

"I just saw you tonight … after dinner?"

"Well yeah but I can't exactly talk to my best mate when she's being verbally mauled by a hopeful boyfriend."

I gave him a look. "Jake will never be my boyfriend."

"I doubt he'd agree with that statement." He put his arm on the back of the couch and his feet on the table in front of us. I shifted to face forward, too, and ended up with his arm around me. What is **wrong** with me? Remus and I are close to each other all the time. Why is this so significant?

I sighed. "I don't know how to get rid of him."

"Aw, come on, he's not that bad. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt if you said yes."

My heart sank. Ok, so not only does Moony not want to be with me, but he wants me to be with other boys instead. Other boys who are really no fun at all. Wonderful.

"Don't go there," I warned, as I shifted closer to him and let my head rest on his shoulder, closing my eyes. He stayed quiet, his breathing even. I felt myself drifting off to sleep. That's just what he does to me… he makes me feel whole, and I can relax with him. Two minutes later, I was fast asleep.


	2. Deep Cuts and AngerFilled Yelling

A/N: DARLINGS

**A/N: DARLINGS! Ah, yes, hello again, my four lovely reviewers and anyone else who happens to stumble upon the product of my summer boredom. I wanted to get a few chapters in before I go away for a super long time this summer, so sorry for any imperfections or things like sentences that straight up make no sense. I am STILL searching for a beta (not that I've been searching for very long) … I tried to go beta-hunting, but it's so creepy (in my opinion, at least) saying "HEY YOU MIGHT HATE ME, MY WRITING, OR ANYTHING ELSE, BUT WILL YOU BECOME MY BFF AND EDIT THIS FOR ME?" well, now I will stop rambling and leave you with this mess that is my brain. **

**By the WAYY… The-Great-Moxie, I hope some of the not-going-with-them was explained here, but I'm sorry if it's still a stupid explanation.**

I woke up the next morning craving strawberry ice cream. Mmmmm, I really, really wanted it. I rolled over in my bed. Wait, what?! I sat up abruptly (ahhhh head rush), and saw that I was in my bed, and that it was morning. The girls in my room were getting ready for breakfast and classes, and Kayleigh shot me a "you okay there?" look, evidently in response to my confused expression. I shook my head, deciding to ask Remus –sharpintakeofbreath. Remus. – about it later.

Gahhh, I hate mornings. I rolled over and my feet landed on the hard, cold floor with a thud. What ever should I wear. I looked in my wardrobe, trying to decide… well, this school uniform, that school uniform, or maybe this one over here. So many choices, I know. Sometimes I'm just so overwhelmed by the options that I have to close my eyes and stick out a hand to blindly choose.

Sarcasm, people. One of the nice things about uniforms is that they do not require any effort of choice. I pulled out what looked like the cleanest shirt and skirt, slipping into thigh high socks and purple shoes. I took my hair out of its careless bun and put it up the exact same way. Deciding that it didn't hurt to **not** be the last one down to breakfast, I picked up my bag, shoved some unfinished work in it, and stumbled off down the stairs.

"Ah, yes, darling!" James called in a mock gentlemanly tone when I got to the common room. "Walk me to the Great Hall, now, will you?"

I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the portrait hole, impatiently waiting for him to follow.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. You're sure up early. And not very talkative, either." He jogged to catch up with me, and his step fell in with mine.

"I can get up early sometimes, you know."

He snorted. I'm rarely seen functional before 11. Oh come on that's not that late.

"Moony got to bed pretty late last night or, er, early this morning… know anything about that?" I shrugged, and he proceeded to prompt me. "You know I don't think you have enough faith in his feelings for you, Layla. You need to tell him what you think. You never know…"

"What, James, and **you** know how he feels?" I glared.

"We do live in the same room. He talks in his sleep." I blushed. "But anyway, right, so you heard about my latest attempt with Lily, yeah? Well, yesterday when we …" I zoned him out, lost in thoughts about Moony and the possibilities. Or the lack of possibilities. Ugh.

"… and she slapped me! Right there in front of the other girl! The nerve! I mean – OI, Whiskey, stop thinking about your wolf, I was telling you a story!" Let it be known that after a month of everyone going by their anamagus nickname, mine –Whiskey- was deemed too idiotic and I refused to respond to it. That doesn't, however, stop the boys from using it occasionally. I just ignore them.

We got to the great hall and took our seats next to Peter and Remus. Sirius was off somewhere bothering his latest conquest. Ah, muffins. Blueberr-UGH. WHY WON'T HE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. "Yes, Jake, what can I do for you this morning that I couldn't do for you last night." I asked him as kindly as possible.

Jake looked at me, hands in his pockets, and bit his lip. "Look, I was just wondering if maybe you'd reconsidered."

I sighed, and looked over at Remus (who was obliviously reading a page in the Prophet while eating toast), remembering what he had said the night before. In all honesty I didn't want anything less at that moment than to listen to anything Jake had to say, let alone agree with it. But I had to start being realistic, here, didn't I. Moony was never going to … you know… I mean just looking at him then it was obvious that nothing was ever going to happen.

"Oh what the fucking hell, Jake. Fine, alright?"

"Fine as in… you'll go out with me? This weekend? Hogsmeade?" Remus looked up at this, his face impossible to read. Hurt? Pain? Annoyance? Jealousy? Anger? No, just… indifference.

"Yes, Jake, fine. Now will you let me eat my muffin?"

"Of course. Enjoy your muffin, I'll see you in class." He walked away grinning and I muttered "looking forward to it oh so much, Walker."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "After a year of saying no, today was just a special day? You're finally going to give him a chance?"

I shot him a glare. "Shut it, Pettigrew" James raised an eyebrow at me. "Potter. Don't you even…" Remus kept reading the paper, but nodded.

"I think it's good," he said finally, "that you're giving him a chance and all. Bloke needs a break. You're a hard one to catch, Layla Armone, and a hard one to keep once you've been caught."

I have him a "whatthefuck" look and angrily ate my muffin. Bloody werewolves. No, you know what? Bloody boys in general.

--

The next day in potions I was, of course, angry. Not that I wasn't angry before the next day in potions, but that was all just silent fuming. Potions tends to bring out the worst in me. I was mad for a variety of reasons, I suppose… some of which included Jake Walker and Remus Lupin. Oh, and there's the minor fact that I positively detest potions. Yes, I understand that when made correctly a potion can be one of the most powerful, manipulative devices in the wizardingBLAH BLAH BLAH. The problem here is that I'm HORRIBLE at potions. One ounce of polymorphagus roots? Well, polymanagus sounds close enough to me… and it was there on the shelf, so why not just … OH BIG FIRE. I GUESS THAT'S WHY NOT.

But that was last year. Right, so anyway. There I was, sitting in potions, minding my own business next to Peter (he's the best to sit next to when I'm pissed because he won't bother me) when Remus came up and asked Pete to switch partners for the day. So Pete walked off to work with James (Sirius sleeps with –er, I mean, works with- a different girl each class. Usually attractive and more often than not blonde).

"Alright, Layla. Let's do this. And I will not let you singe off anyone's hair today, including mine. So why don't you just cut these- no, no, you'll cut yourself. Uh, here, stir this- no, no, that won't do. Add these- no, not that. You know, Layla, why don't you just sit there and read me the directions."

"You're the one who wanted to work with me," I said in my most acidic voice. I'm quite proud of that voice, seeing as it took me about 6 years to perfect. Remus, however, was not affected.

"Yeah, I … I guess that's true." He looked at me as if he wanted to say something. He almost looked… regretful. Sorry, even. No, no, I must have just been seeing things.

We worked in silence for a few minutes.

"So you looking forward to Hogsmeade?" he asked.

"Not at all. Just because I gave in doesn't mean I'm not dreading it."

He smirked. "Hey, pass me that knife, will you? Here, I'll just get it." He leaned over me (well, more like into me) and I held my breath. His hand brushed against mine and I swear I felt it everywhere. Apparently he did, too, because he pulled back awfully quickly, CUTTING my (OW) hand on that stupid knife. Oh man, lots of blood.

"LAYLA! Oh god, Lay, I'm so sorry, here, come here, wrap it in my scarf, ok, here, yeah, run up to the hospital wing I'll clean everything up here and – oh god that's bleeding a lot, ok, yeah, just make sure you keep the pressure on, and…" he kept rambling but I stopped listening and just sort of stumbled out of the room.

Madame Pomfrey, of course, fixed my hand with a couple flicks of her wand and some suspicious glares in my direction. She may be new to the school but she's evidently pretty good at what she does. Her effortless expertise sort of made me feel like I had made a big deal out of nothing.

Later that day, back in the common room, I was sitting at a table doing my homework and Remus came up to sit next to me.

"Looks like Pomfrey got you all sorted out." He nodded at my hand.

"Oh, yeah," I said, flexing it a little, "it really wasn't that bad anyway. You get everything cleaned up?"

He smiled "Yes. 10 points from Gryffindor for making such a mess. Your blood is quite stubborn when it wants to stick on things."

I made a face (ew, he was talking about my blood like they were old friends. Even I don't like my blood that much.)

"When's the full moon, again?"

He looked around as if to say "you said that awfully loud, let's not make this public knowledge" and answered quietly "Saturday."

Oh, Saturday. As in my "date" with Jake. As in Hogsmeade. As in they'd all be gone when I got back after said "date." Wonderful… just what I've always wanted – a day with Walker and a night with no mates. I mean it was bad enough that I had agreed to go on Saturday and the reason I had agreed – that being Remus' behavior – made it even worse, so you would think that life would be ever so slightly kind to me and at least promise me a decent evening when I got back from the –

_Poke._

"OW! You poked me!" I yelped.

Remus smirked. "Yeah, well, you were zoning. Can't have that, now, can we?"

I rolled my eyes and pretended to ignore him in favor of my essay. Right, what about Hippogriffs in the Golbiln's First War?

"Look," he said, refusing to let me concentrate, "I've got to go up to the library, but I'll talk to you later, ok? Be psyched for Saturday! Er, I mean, your date, not… the other thing… Right, well, later Whiskey."

I nodded at him and watched as he walked out the portrait hole. This was going to be such a fun weekend. Sarcasm, kids, sarcasm.

--

That Saturday I woke up early – a combination of nerves and nightmares is a surefire way to prevent sleep. Not many people were up around the dorm, but I had agreed to meet Walker at 10 in the common room, so I figured I should get going. Reaching for another white blouse and pleated skirt, I realized that I didn't have to wear a uniform. Oh the joys of Saturdays. I pulled on the usual jeans and jumper, ignoring the brief thought that maybe I should put a little extra effort into dressing for this "date". Scarf, hat, gloves, and sneakers. I stuck my wand in my pocket and moved down the stairs, pulling my hair down to make room for my hat.

"Layla," Jake said when he saw me (yes I find it slightly creepy that he was waiting for me 30 minutes earlier than we had planned), "your hair's down. I like it. Ready?"

Having been ambushed, I hesitated, shoving my hat on my head to hide my hair (Sirius likes to play with it and call it "luxurious," so I try to keep it up as much as possible). "I suppose, yeah," I replied, walking cautiously towards him.

My eyes searched the common room, looking for a familiar face. Well, the faces were all familiar, but the four I was looking for were absent. Probably still asleep, seeing as they had a big night ahead of them.

I turned back towards Jake. "Yes, let's go," and he waited for me to head out the portrait hole, following close behind.

--

As the day progressed, I can't say I was having any more fun than I had thought I would – despite Jake's best efforts. We visited Honeydukes and the Quill Shop (what can I say I needed quills…) before Jake steered us subtly towards Madam Puttifoot's. That couple-filled, charming little delicate café was definitely not where I wanted to eat anything.

"Ugh, ew, why Puttifoot's? Wouldn't you rather just go to The Three Broomsticks to find something to eat?"

"What's wrong with Puttifoot's?" He was being awkwardly defensive.

"It's full of couple-obsessed couples who refuse to do anything but be couples."

He blushed, and I realized that this was obviously why he wanted to go in. For a second there, I felt bad. I mean, what was so bad about this kid that I couldn't just give him a break and at least act interested? Why did I always have to be such a bitch? Couldn't I just, for once, put a smile on my face and pucker up? Metaphorically, here, but still.

I decided that I owed him at least this. "Well, yeah, ok, Puttifoot's is fine, I guess. Let's go."

We walked in the door and I think I threw up a little in my mouth. It's not that I had anything against all these people, but their body language and everything about them just screamed "WE'RE IN LOVE." And what were **those** people doing? God, they might as well just get a room already. Who was it? Oh, of course, it was Sirius. And who was that girl? Poor girl, she had to know what she was getting herself into, she couldn't be **that** stupid. Well, Sirius does sometimes go for the less intelligent ones-WHAT? WAS THAT KAYLEIGH? Oh no. This cannot be happening.

"Oh look!" I pointed at Kayleigh and Sirius sitting alone at a table for four, "let's go sit with them!" I dragged him over and immediately took the seat next to Sirius, clutching his wrist and digging my nails in.

"Ow! Layla! What the bloody hell?!"

"Yes, Sirius, what the bloody hell."

He gave me a "get away from here I'm just about to score" look and I gave him a "what the fuck are you doing with my only female friend" look.

"Jake, why don't you stay here with Kayleigh, Sirius and I will go get some drinks. Right, Sirius?" I dragged Sirius up to the front of the café, turning him to face me.

"What the fuck are you doing with my only female friend?" I punched him in the shoulder for good measure.

"Get away from here I'm just about to score." We have an uncanny ability to say what we want to say with just a look.

"You're not going to '**score**' with Kayleigh. I don't care if you're both just looking for sex, you will end this badly and she'll stop talking to me and then I'll be stuck with four idiotic boys for friends 24/7. That's not good for anyone."

"Layla I think she knows what she's getting into." He screwed his face up, concentrating on how he could possibly turn that into a dirty joke.

"Yes, **Black**, I don't think she's an idiot, but that doesn't make this any better."

"Right, **Armone**, because you're one to take advice from on these matters. When was the last time you actually told someone how you feel?"

"Telling **him** how I feel and sleeping with every living being are two completely different things."

"Ah, so you admit that you know who I'm talking about? That's what I thought. You know what? Maybe you should just go cower in a corner while I actually do something productive."

"Oh I'm sorry, I forgot that breaking hearts and being a whore was productive."

"You know what, Layla? I'm sick of your games. I'm sick of you sitting here acting all victimized because Moony's not head-over-heals in love with you. Look, right over there, see that? That's Jake. That, my friend, is someone who **is**, for whatever bloody reason, head-over-heals in love with you. **Jake** has gone out of his way to prove this point to you, and you can't do anything but ignore him. And yet you still manage to make yourself feel like the victim here. Tell me, Layla, tell me how that works out. You're breaking hearts just like I am because you're too caught up with someone who doesn't return your feelings. Maybe, Layla, Moony doesn't want you because you're a self-centered attention whore who can't think of anything but how victimized she is by a lack of mutual feelings. Yeah, Layla, I said it. He doesn't want you, and maybe you deserve to be rejected. Now get the bloody hell over yourself and go cry somewhere else."

My face fell and I couldn't do anything but stare at him in shock. Maybe I needed to be told off but that was too much. I felt like I was going to cry. I felt like someone was smothering me. I felt like there were rocks sitting on my chest and everyone I knew was just watching and cheering as I was literally being crushed to death. I saw Sirius register the severity of his own words as his face fell, too, but by that time I was already turning and walking out the door, determined to make it outside before Jake followed me.

I still felt like I couldn't breathe as I turned a corner onto a side street and leaned against the cold brick wall, clutching my stomach, tears running down my face. I'm not a crier, here, but this was just not a situation in which I found it easy to contain myself.

"Layla?" I heard Jake call from outside the café and I quickly tried to compose myself, taking quick shaky breaths to calm myself down as I wiped my tears away with gloved hands.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't bring myself to face him. I didn't want to have to act happy all day and pretend that I was enjoying his company. No, I just wanted to sleep. I quietly slipped into my cat form and ran gently back to the main street, past Jake, ignoring him as he continued to call 'Layla?' not recognizing me.

I reached the common room still in my cat form and saw Remus and Peter about to leave, presumably to head to the Shrieking Shack. I saw a confused look on both their faces as they recognized me, but I ran past, up to the dorm, changed quickly back into the Layla that most people know me as, and lay down on my bed, still in my winter clothes, too tired to care. Relieved that I was finally alone, I felt myself drift off to sleep.

**A/N: woo. hoo. I say we have a review party and just all review. Yip-dee-doo. Here's the plan. I'm going away a week from tomorrow (GAH THAT'S SO SOON. MUST START PACKING.) so I'm going to try to update before then, and then at least once or twice while I'm away (this is assuming there's at least one little person out there reading this story). Right! So, I will be back. At some point this week. For the time being, I have dubbed myself Super Updated. Mwahahahahaha… I will leave you now. **


	3. Pain and Confessions

**A/N: Super fast update, I know, I rock your world. THANK YOU! To those of you lovely beings who either favorited or reviewed (I'm not trying to be selfish, here, but if you don't do either of those things I just assume you clicked on the story, hated it, and left).**

**A couple things. Great Moxie (I feel like I should be bowing down as I say that), this is the chapter where I attempt to explain what I had thought I attempted to explain in the last chapter. Oh I don't know.**

**AND! I'm going away for six weeks. If all goes according to plan, I'll have a chapter or two in store to put up while I'm away with my limited computer access, but something tells me you guys won't be all that heartbroken if I don't get to it.**

**BY THE WAY, STILL BETA HUNTING. So speak up if you're interested or have any good suggestions as to whom I should ask.**

**Shutting up now.**

--

I woke up a couple hours later, still groggy from the sleep. What time was it? I rolled over and saw that the clock said 6:14 pm. Mmm, dinner time. I wondered whether the blokes were down eating yet or if – and then it all came back to me: the fight with Sirius, the full moon, everything. I jumped up and sprinted down the stairs, hoping to catch someone still in the common room. Spotting James about to leave, I followed him out the portrait hole and grabbed his sleeve.

"Prongs!"

He turned around. "Yeah? I have to go, Layla, I should already be ther-"

"I'm coming with you," I said before I realized what I was actually saying. I was overcome by this **need** to be there. I had to find Sirius and, well, yell at him. Attack him with my anger. I wouldn't be left alone again, this was getting out of hand. It's not like Remus is any more dangerous to me than anyone else – I mean come on Peter's a **rat** and he doesn't get hurt any more than anyone else. When they first started going, they insisted that I stay because I'd inevitably get severely hurt. What the hell is that supposed to mean, though? They always get hurt. No one's ever said it out loud, but this is really the only "you're a girl so you can't" situation in our friendship. And why shouldn't I be able to go? They're not sexist when it comes to me doing their homework for them. No one ever says "you're a girl, so you can't lie to the professor for me." It's only this. And I'm sick of it.

"Oh, god, Layla, not again. You know what happened last ti-"

"NO! I DO know what happened last time and it was no worse than what happened to you! You came back with a broken leg and I just came back with a broken hand."

"Your hand was crushed. And no, you're not coming. Look, I don't have time for this." He wasn't angry, but he was impatient. It occurred to me that maybe he wasn't yelling at me because he had heard about the little run in at Puttifoot's. He pulled his arm from my grasp and started off down the stairs. I balled my hands into fists and threw a silent tantrum there in the corridor. You know what? I wasn't going to let James stop me. I mean, since when did I actually listen to anything he said?

I ran after him, staying just out of sight. When I got to the Whomping Willow it was already frozen and I quietly slipped into cat form and ran through the tunnels to the shack.

As I got closer, I could hear the noises coming from the small structure getting increasingly louder. I ran faster, continuing up the stairs into a small room on the second floor. I quietly surveyed the situation. Sirius was pacing in the corridor, James was inside trying to calm Remus (who was tearing apart every surface in the room) and Peter was scurrying about in an attempt to avoid being stepped on.

When he saw me, Sirius started barking angrily, running towards me, trying to get me to go back down the stairs. I fought back, swatting him angrily across the nose with claws outstretched, and he yelped when I drew blood.

On any normal occasion I would never purposefully hurt one of them, especially when they were bound to get hurt one way or another at some point during the night. However, on this specific night, Sirius wasn't exactly in the "Be Nice To" books.

I ran past into the room where Remus was destroying everything, the noise of destruction evident amidst the shrieking howls he let out. When Prongs saw me, he came rushing towards me, but I slipped under his legs and ran under the bed. I stayed there, out of sight, my tail swishing angrily, as Remus continued to tear apart the room. I may have insisted on coming, but that didn't mean I enjoyed being out in harm's way. I value my pride, but I also value my life. Peter showed up under the bed but left shortly after – he's always afraid I'm going to give into my instincts and try to eat him. Sometimes I'm tempted.

All of the sudden, all five of us were in the tiny room and everyone but me was running hectically around, trying to avoid being hurt and trying to protect each other at the same time. I felt the bed shake above me, and saw a combination of hooves and paws running about around the room. Remus' legs disappeared and the bed sank with his weight, shaking as he tore apart the mattress and generally everything else. Prongs seemed to be trying to get him off the bed, but I couldn't figure out why. I mean the bed was pretty unstable, but –

oh god, the bed was going to break.

The bed. Was going. To break.

And I, in case you have forgotten, was under it.

How could I not have thought of that before? I immediately got up and dashed for any direction that would get me out from under there. Everything was happening so fast, but it was as if my senses were even more exemplified than normal, and I could take everything in at once. Peter was huddled in a corner, a look of terror on his rat face. Sirius was barking madly at James, who was ramming himself against the bed in an attempt to get Remus off of it. Almost out… so close… just another second…

And everything went black.

--

I heard voices, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I tried to open my eyes, to say something, to move, but I couldn't. I wanted to scream.

--

Someone was whispering something about vitals and potions, and another voice – one I recognized – said something about St Mungo's. What about the hospital? Who was going to have to go to the hospital? Why couldn't I wake up?

--

I was screaming inside my mind, frustrated only by the fact that I couldn't voice my frustration. My mind was racing, and I was thinking relatively clearly, but I couldn't do any more than that. Mmmmm sleep sounded good.

--

Ooh! One eye! Almost… okay, blur. Voices, good sign. HEY! DID I JUST MAKE A NOISE? Oh, ok, someone was grabbing my hand. Alright, one more try with the eyes.

I managed to lift my eyelids and blink a couple times as my vision slowly cleared up.

Peter in a chair next to the bed, clutching my hand.

"YOU'RE AWAKE!" he screamed, "oh god ok good I have to go get them they're going to kill me if I take any longer than absolutely necessary and oh god ok stay awake I'll be right back with the rest of them and ok ok ok wait here."

I sat in silence, moaning every once in a while as a way to reassure myself that I was, in fact, alive. Soon enough, Madame Pomfrey came bustling over with a potion.

"Alright, dear, now, I'm very glad to see that you're awake we were just about to send you to St Mungo's, but that doesn't mean it's all going to be fun and games from here on out. No, no it certainly won't be. Here, take this, it'll help with the pain while you're awake. I'd say you have about twenty minutes before you pass out again, so your little friend better get back here soon. Here, down it goes –" she shoved a spoonful of some slimy green stuff into my mouth (ew, that tasted gross) –"right now that's a good girl, alright I'll be back to check on you soon."

She left just as quickly as she came, and I was stuck sitting in bed, waiting.

Dum dee dum dum. What could possibly be taking them so long?

Just then, I heard the door to the Hospital Wing open and a stamped of footsteps accompanied by anxious voices.

"LAYLA!"

"Oh my god you really are ok!" James came and sat on the bed with me, encompassing me in a hug. Ow.

"We thought you were a goner!"

"YOU, young lady, have been only somewhat alive for the past 48 hours."

"YOU'RE OKAY!"

This went on for a while and I just tried to smile, not really able to tell who was screaming what. After a bit, they settled down: James sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed, Peter in the chair next to the bed with his feet up, Remus leaning against the wall with his arms crossed (expression utterly impossible to read, much to my dismay), and Sirius with his hands in his pockets standing at the foot of the bed. They were all covered by various bandages with bruises scattered over their hands and faces, as well as, I would imagine, in places covered by their robes. I attempted a smile.

"Well this is fun," I smirked.

"And there's the sarcasm! I guess it's really our Layla, back and better than before," James yelled, still a bit excited.

"Oou noph, me freally dderemph flurryemd," Peter added, his mouth full of chocolate. I gave him a funny look and he swallowed before answering "sorry, I didn't think you'd miss one measly chocolate frog. But I said 'you know, we really were worried.'" He nodded in the direction of the foot of the bed and I saw the piles of chocolate and flowers and a balloon. Wow, ok, hadn't noticed that until now.

I tried to sit up, but winced in pain upon realizing that Madame Pomfrey was right when she said it wasn't going to be all easy from here on out.

Sirius came over to me and leaned down close to my ear. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean it. Or, I did, but I shouldn't have. I had no right to say it, and you didn't deserve it. Besides, it wasn't even true." Upon straightening up, he added "good to have you back, Lay" for the rest of them to hear. Wait, what did he mean by that – it wasn't true? I tried to catch his eye but he just looked at me like he hadn't said anything meaningful.

"So what have I missed?" I asked, just trying to get them to talk to me. I didn't want them to leave. When no one responded I prodded further. "Oh come on! I haven't talked to you in what, two days, and all you can do is stare at me? I mean I know my beauty is shocking, yes, but can't you muster up the courage to spit out a few words to your best mate?"

Sirius smirked, glancing at James. "Uh, well, there was one particular event involving Prongs and Evans, I suppose…"

I rolled my eyes. "James, are you ever going to give up?"

His eyes widened and a grin formed on his face. "No! That's the thing! She said yes! Okay maybe 'yes' is the wrong word for it… but she said that if I let her out of the closet –no pun intended- she'd go to Hogsmeade with me!"

I smiled as much as possible in my state, letting out a small laugh. "Well, Prongs, what ever will you wear?"

Peter laughed at this, digging through the chocolate at the foot of my bed for another chocolate frog.

Remus stayed against the wall, looking at the floor. James looked at him and then back at the rest of us. "Right, well, looks like we should be going. Don't want to keep you up past your… uh, capacity? No, wrong word, um… hmmm. Ability—"

"And we'll be going now, before James hurts himself by thinking to hard" Peter interrupted, jumping up and stretching his arms above his head.

James, Peter, and Sirius walked away, at which point Remus finally looked up. His eyes flashed in anger, but settled on sadness. He walked slowly over to the side of the bed and pulled the chair up so that it was closer, sitting in it and leaning back.

"Layla," he began, opening his mouth as if he wanted to say more. I waited. "There are some things that you should know."

This didn't sound good, really. My mood went from in-pain-but-bright-and-cheery to oh-god-I-hate-this in about 2.5 seconds. It reminded me of the muggle song _"from zero to sixty in three point five."_ Where had I heard that song? Oh, yeah, at my cousin's. It was actually kind of catchy, as annoying as muggle music can be… Oh, right, Remus. It's not like I could really have run away from whatever he had to say … so I just nodded and stayed put.

"First of all, I am not happy with you. I am, in fact, extremely mad. There is a reason we don't let you come on the full moons. You could have been killed! And I would have been the one who killed you! Layla please. If you're going to be stubborn and insist on coming anyway… well, don't. Please, Layla. For me," he paused, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "Second of all, Sirius told me what he said to you."

I tried to interrupt him, but he just put a finger to my lips and kept going. It took all of my strength to concentrate on his words instead of the fact that he was touching me. "You need to know that he wasn't … relaying any information that I had given him. He didn't know what he was talking about."

I studied his face, a mix of determination, anxiety, and confusion haunting his features.

"I…. I care about you, Layla. I always have. Okay, maybe not always. I mean the first time I saw you, you were grinning like a maniac because you had just put toads in my shoes. But at some point when I was between the ages of 13 and 16, it became painfully aware to me that I will always care about you. As more than a friend."

I tried to interrupt him again, but he shook his head. "No, let me get this out. Along with this realization came the awareness that I will never let myself do anything about my feelings. I can't act on them, because … well, because I don't want to hurt you. I can't hurt you. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you. Well, if I hurt you any more than I already have. This weekend just made that point even more clear to me. I can't make you live this life with me – this cursed, shunned life. I don't want to push that on you, and I think that because I … love you … I won't let anything come of … us."

Woah, woah woah. Did that make sense to anyone else? Because it sure as hell didn't make any sense to me.

"Remus," I said as forcefully as I could manage, and he finally looked up to meet my gaze, "I don't care what you are. I don't care that you could kill me in a second under the right – or, well, wrong – circumstances. You can't tell me that you love me and just leave me. It doesn't work that way. If you –"

"No, Layla, it does. It has to work that way. I heard what Sirius said, and I thought you had a right to know that I, er, love you, but that's all there is to it. You need to go on living your life as if I don't exist as anything more than another bloke in the corridor."

"That's impossible and you know it," I said in a rush, bordering on hyperventilation. "That's completely unfair. You can't do this to me. No, not now. I can't – I won't let you. This isn't … you aren't…" I was on the verge of tears, trying with all of my strength to turn towards him and grab his robes to keep him from leaving.

"Layla," he spoke softly, "don't make this harder than it has to be."

I continued to ramble incomplete thoughts at him incoherently, trying to grab onto him and not let go, but he just quietly stood up, taking my hands gently but firmly from his robes and holding them in his own as he bent down over me and kissed my forehead, my cheek, and, fleetingly, hesitantly, my lips.

"This changes nothing," he whispered softly, "I am still your best mate. And don't you dare forget that." He stood up, avoiding my gaze, and walked carefully around the bed and out of sight.

I lay silently staring at the ceiling, trying to hold back the sob rising in my throat. I balled my hands into fists and tried to rip the sheets into a thousand tiny pieces. At some point during my tense attempts to render myself numb, I fell back into a deep, peaceful (or peaceless, really) sleep.

**A/N: okay, yay, uh, fun times, review! seriously, if you just say "it's decent" I'll love you and I hope you'll stick around for the next chapter. Thanks for getting this far, though. Really. I appreciate it. Consider yourself appreciated.**


	4. Magazines and Embarassment

**A/N: Hey, sorry for the wait. A GIGANTIC THANK YOU, AND LOTS OF LOVE to everyone who reviewed (or favorited, or added to their alert list, or anything of the sort.) I really appreciate it. More than you could ever imagine... **

**This chapter's a little… I don't know, a little strange. Not that exciting, and a little stupid in my opinion. But let's, for this chapter, ****up the rating to M****. I mean, it's nothing you can't handle, but just so be safe…**

**Still beta hunting. Come on guys I'm a mess of self-editing, here, you must be getting sick of it.  
**

Madame Pomfrey said I had to stay in bed for another week before she'd even consider letting me out. I asked if I could maybe go back to my own bed in the dorm but she said (and I quote) "I will NOT have you going back to your room with those shenanigan hooligans you call your _'mates'_ just to have you wind up back here within a day after they convince you to jump out a window onto a floating pile of marshmallow beds."

Okay, so maybe I don't quote... And maybe I was a little drugged up on painkillers when she was talking to me…

But you know, the point is the same. I had to stay in that damn Hospital Wing for an entire week, and I was **bored**.

I did everything I could to force myself not to think of Moony and our little encounter, but after a couple days with minimal visits from the blokes I became painfully aware that there's nothing to do when you're on bed rest. Kayleigh came to visit me and gave me this stupid muggle magazine called _Cosmopolitan_. Mmmm… Sex Poll: 30,750 Dudes Tell What They're Dying for You to Do in Bed. Or the classy Sex Extras: Naughty Games, complete with tear out truth or dare cards Truth: What sex move of mine is your favorite? Give me all the dirty details about why you like it. Dare: For 60 seconds, touch yourself like you'd like me to touch you. I kid you not.

However, I could only read and reread the magazine so many times, and I was left to my own thoughts…but now when my mind wandered it stayed directly focused on topics relating to sex. Why did Kayleigh have this stupid magazine anyway? Oh, gods, I was so bored.

On the day Kayleigh brought her lovely literature to share, the blokes came to visit. Well wasn't I just so popular. They had been coming a couple at a time – Sirius would take an afternoon to stop by, James would be on after dinner duty. Remus never came alone, and I couldn't really tell you how he acted around me because I tried to look at him as little as humanly possible. The one time I met his gaze he looked at me like he was pitying me, and that fact alone made me angry enough to ignore him for the rest of the visit.

Anyway, so this particular day (a Thursday, if I recall correctly) they decided they'd all come to see me after dinner, sneaking me some chocolate ice cream from the Great Hall. Pomfrey doesn't let me eat junk – she says she's trying to cleanse my system to make up for all the abuse it gets when I'm not under her careful watch. I sat up straight when I heard them coming in, sliding the article I had been reading ("Why Guys Cheat In the Summer") hastily under the sheets.

"Ah, yes, Layla, you look bright and shiny this evening," James always comes up with the most awkward greetings.

I rolled my eyes. "And now you're comparing me to a knut."

He laughed, walking around to the side of my bed and settling himself in the chair beside me, comfortably placing his feet on the bed as the others came into view around the curtain.

"Hey Whiskey," Sirius said, bending down to kiss my forehead in greeting before shoving me over to the side and lying down next to me, arms behind his head.

Pete chose to stay standing, and Remus stood awkwardly next to him.

"So tell me, what's new in the world of Hogwarts today?" I asked, eager for news – any news.

"Prongs caught Evans snogging some seventh year and almost hexed his head off," Sirius smirked, warranting a glare from James. "If Moony here hadn't intervened I really think we would have had a dead Brantley Hunter on our hands…"

Remus let out a bark of a laugh, visibly relaxing as he leaned against the bed. "I do believe it may have been a dead James Potter, there. Brantley was doing quite while in gaining the upper hand."

A smile tugged at Peter's lips as if he were recalling some fond memory. "Padfoot's only bitter because he's been stood up three times in the past day. Seems that the female population of the school is finally learning."

I grinned, happy that we were all together.

Sirius stretched out his arms as Pete and James argued about his dear Lily Evans. I heard something crinkle under the sheets as Padfoot shifted his weight.

"What're you keeping under here, Whisk?" he asked, reaching a hand under the sheets. I looked at him, confused, until realization dawned on me that I had decided to shove my embarrassing choice of entertainment under there before the four of them had come in. I tensed and tried to shift so that I was sitting on top of it, preventing Sirius from gaining access. He grinned when he realized it was something I didn't want to see him and grew more determined. His hand dove under the sheet and he proceeded to literally fondle my legs (yes, fondle) in an attempt to reach under them.

"Uh, it's nothing, Sirius, and besides the fact that you're completely groping my thighs right now, nothing out of the ordinary is under the sheets."

He smirked and raised an eyebrow as a new idea occurred to him. I rolled my eyes and lay back on the pillow, concentrating on keeping the magazine out of his reach. His new idea, however, was not one that I appreciated… or, well, didn't appreciate once I realized what was going on.

He shifted his body so that he was lying over of me, propped up on his knees, one to my right and one between my legs, and one elbow, the other hand evidently occupied elsewhere. Slowly, gently, using only the tips of the fingers on his, uh, not supporting hand, he proceeded to trace designs on my outer thigh. I felt myself shiver and he leaned in close to my ear and breathed with his lips almost touching my neck. His hand traveled to my inner leg and my eyes fluttered closed as he started stroking that soft spot just inside my thighs with his thumb . His breathing remained steady, but when his hand brushed the place where no man's hand ever brushes, I breathed in sharply and attempted to lift my body to meet his.

"AH HAH!" Sirius shouted as he snatched the magazine out from under me, grinning triumphantly and jumping off the bed before I could cause any permanent physical damage when I realized what he had done.

Oh gods, what had just happened? I blushed profusely and sat up quickly, pulling my legs up to my chest and covering them protectively with my arms. I guess Padfoot's man-whore title is … well, accurate. I looked up and saw James clutch his sides as he doubled over in laughter. Peter was looking at the floor with cheeks a shade that I would guess matched mine, and Remus looked… what was that? Remus looked angry.

I managed to look up at Sirius and saw that he was just staring at the magazine with a defiant smirk on his face. "Well, looks like our little Layla's been feeling a bit lonely in her hospital wing days… reading up on how to please her man."

I pulled my legs tighter to my chest and tensed my jaw, glaring at the foot of my bed. This was humiliation. I mean, we try not to acknowledge the fact that I'm a girl, because it just makes things awkward. It may not seem that bad, but having this magazine was just about the worst thing I could have done in the eyes of the Marauders. Okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but still.

Sirius began flipping through the dreadful thing, pausing to comment on each page. By the time he got to that wonderful little tear out truth or dare section, more than ten minutes had passed, but no one had moved from their earlier position.

"Ah, yes, what's this now? Dare: arouse me by telling me an erotic sto—HEY!"

My gaze jerked up in time to see Remus grab the magazine from Sirius and angrily throw it under the bed. "Enough."

"Aw, Moony, I didn't mean anything. You knew that, Lay, right? It was just fun." Sirius looked at me pleadingly, all traces of mocking gone from his expression, and it seemed that he was truly sorry.

Remus didn't back down. "Enough, Sirius. We should be getting back to the dorms anyway. Layla, it was good to see you. Good night." Bloody hell what's with the formality? He turned to leave but stopped to wait for the others, staring at the cold tile floor.

Sirius dared to step closer to me and bent down to kiss my forehead again. "I'm sorry, Layla, for any confusion or hurt I may have caused in my toying with your sexual emotions." He smirked and I rolled my eyes and gave him a hug. All was forgiven. Aw come on I couldn't stay mad at him for long… Okay usually I would have been much better at holding a grudge but grudges are pointless when you're stuck in a bed all day, and the painkillers were making me a bit loopy.

Pete come over and gave me a hug, as did James, adding, "See you tomorrow, darling."

They walked out in a clump, not saying anything, but it wasn't long before I heard the ever-present teasing start back up. I heard James' voice, "Moony a bit moody tonight, eh?" followed by an "ow!" as someone punched him.

I waited until I could no longer hear them before leaning down under the bed and retrieving the magazine, quietly pulling my wand from the table beside me and transforming it into an empty picture frame. There, harmless enough. I set my new creation on the table and scooted down in the bed, trying to rid my mind of any lingering thoughts of Sirius and the constant tug at the back of my mind reminding me who I wished it had been instead.

--

"And NO quidditch for a week, Miss Armone. Mr. Lupin, I trust that you will see these rules are followed, seeing as I can't trust any of the rest of you."

I grinned up at her as she stood sternly shaking her finger at me. "Yes, Poppy, anything you say! Just let me out of here!" Somewhere between her second and third attempts to wean me off of my pain meds, I started calling her Poppy.

The blokes had come to retrieve me from my prison on my blessed final day and I was practically giddy with excitement. With a couple more warnings, Madame Pomfrey shoved some clothes at me and stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, go if you're going to go! Before I change my mind," she insisted, and I jumped quickly out of bed, sprinting out into the corridor before I stopped to wait for the others.

They came slowly, taking their time and laughing at my haste. I pulled on my jeans under my hideous hospital gown and shoved a sweater over it, vowing to change as soon as we got back to the dorms.

"Okay!" I was jumping up and down, "let's go!."

Remus shook his head, grinning as he ran a hand through his hair, "Layla if you don't calm down and behave I'm going to have to take you back to Pomfrey."

I feigned shock, screaming, "Traitor!" and ran to him, clutching his arm and shaking it up and down, causing his entire torso to jerk back and forth. "You wouldn't never do that to me. No, you wouldn't dare take me back there, you can't!"

Things seemed to be returning to normal. Well, sort of.

--

A couple days later we were all down at breakfast enjoying some nice cram-them-in-you-mouth-before-class pancakes. Pete and James were arguing about Lily, of course.

"Prongs I really think you need to step back for a bit and let her breathe. A week, here, just a week. Let her function without you always there for a single week," Peter insisted.

James shook his head. "No! Then she'll forget about me and find someone else! She said yes to me once I don't doubt I can get her to do it again."

I caught Sirius' eye and rolled my eyes, tuning out the Evans Argument of the hour. Remus cleared his throat and I raised an eyebrow, silently asking "what?" He lifted his chin as if to point behind me with his head and I turned around to see what he was motioning to. Ah, yes, Jake Walker. I had almost forgotten.

"Hey Layla I'm glad to see you're feeling better," he said, nodding the entire time. Gods he looked like a bobble head. "It must suck that you can't play quidditch for a bit. Ironic, isn't it, that you were trying to practice when you got hurt and now you can't play."

I looked at him like I had no idea what he was talking about. Why? Because I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Hm," he kept nodding as if he understood everything, "yeah, they said you might not remember the accident."

"What accide—"

"Ah, yeah, that's right, Jake, she's a bit fuzzy on that one, still," Remus jumped in. Sirius decided to join in the fun.

"Yep, it was really something. One minute she was just flying around the pitch and the next it was as if she was on a war path, seeking out the closest tree. We tried to stop her, we did, but she just kept flying straight at that tree. Flew right into it. We can't figure out why she did it, but it happened. Straight into the tree. Permanent brain damage, you know," Sirius said this all while nodding, having adopted Jake's bobble head fashion. "Damaged goods now."

I glared at Sirius, realizing that I had no choice but to go along with it. "Yeah, that's me. Damaged."

My attempt to seem undesirable didn't work. Jake responded, "Oh that's ok, you're still perfect in my opinion."

I forced a smile and heard Remus snort in laughter behind me.

"Yes, thanks Jake. Now what did you want?"

"Oh, just to welcome you back. And hey would you mind meeting up with me after dinner tonight?" How the hell could he still be nodding? What was there to nod about?

I paused, mentally checking my oh-so-busy schedule. "Yeah sure whatever."

He nodded (surprise surprise) and raised a hand to wave as he said, "See you later, then."

I turned back to the table ready to personally castrate both Sirius and Remus with my bare hands. Ok maybe with hedge cutters. Yes.

"So now the entire school thinks I'm a loony freak who flew straight into a tree. And that I have permanent brain damage."

Sirius grinned, "Good, you understand." I kicked him under the table.

"GAH you WHORE." He screamed, clutching his shin and shooting daggers at me with his eyes, causing many people to turn and stare. Sirius has lovely insults.

"Yes, because of the two of us, _I'm_ the whore," I replied as I turned to yell at Remus. "And what about you! You could've stopped him! You could've come up with a less horrific cover story."

He smirked. "Well, we had to come up with _some_ story, didn't we? Besides, maybe now Walker will get off your back. Hah… not that he was ever really on it, eh?"

I gave him a look that said, "I can't believe you just stooped low enough to make that joke." Suddenly serious, he leaned forward across the table, placing his hand over mine and lowering his voice.

"For what it's worth," he whispered, "you'll never be damaged in my eyes." He immediately straightened up and went back to eating his pancakes.

Why does this man insist on messing with my mind!?

--

After an uneventful dinner during which we argued the logistics of the temperature-to-alcohol ratio necessary for swimming in the Black Lake, I made my way back up to the common room. Upon reaching the portrait hole I found Jake leaning against the wall outside.

He smiled sheepishly in a way that I assume would make other girls squeal. "I forgot the password."

"Oh, well, come on. Snippitsnicks." We entered the common room and found it largely empty, most people still down at dinner. "So what did you want to talk about?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning up against a table and chewing on his bottom lip. "Well the other day you just sort of disappeared. I wanted to make sure we were still… okay."

I suppressed the urge to scream at him to leave me alone and nodded instead. "Yeah, we're good. I just needed to be somewhere. Sorry." I turned away from him, pretending to be looking through my bag for something. I heard him come closer and felt his hand on my arm.

"Wha-ahhhhhh," I tried to say as he turned me around and shoved his lips against mine. Oh hello, Jake's tongue. That's disgusting. Please get out of my mouth. Please refrain from making yourself comfortable here. I stood there frozen, squeezing my eyes shut so I didn't have to look at him. He grabbed my arms in an attempt at heated passion and pushed me against the back of the couch. I just stood there, not able to find the heart to push him away but in no way desiring to play some twisted form of tonsil tennis with him. He kept at it for a good minute or two seeing as he had full access to my mouth since I had been trying to speak at the time. Gods this was awkward. And disgusting.

It occurred to me that I was analyzing the disgusting level of the "kiss" as it was happening. Should I be hating it that much? Was he actually enjoying this? He seemed pretty into it. I mean I've had my fair share of snogging and it's usually at least marginally enjoyable. This was just… it felt like there was a dying fish flailing around in my mouth. Alright, enough was enough, this had to stop. I sighed, preparing myself to shove him away, but before I could…

"Layla!?" I pushed Jake backwards and turned to find the source of the voice. Remus? Oh god, it was Remus.

"Sorry," he spat, glaring at me, "didn't mean to _interrupt_ anything." With that he turned back to the portrait hole and disappeared out of it, leaving me to deal with Jake.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Try to review if you have a second, and I'll see you in a couple weeks I'm currently in Brooklyn taking art classes, and then I'll be backpacking in Alaska so I have to squeeze in update time between those. There, now you know everything about my summer. Yayy!**


	5. Ice Cream and Evans

**A/N: sort of short but I wanted to get it up. written mostly in various airports... I didn't proofread it at ALL, so please don't throw sticks at me. I've already gotten about halfway through the next one, too, so... yay. Thanks SO MUCH for all reviews and everything! I think I would have abandoned the story by now if you didn't let me know you're still reading. ps. still, yes, beta-hunting ... suggestions? interested? anything?  
**

So where were we? Right, Jake was making out with me, Remus came in, got mad, and left.

"Oh, wonderful, I should go talk to him," I muttered, trying to use Remus' exit as an excuse to get away from Jake.

"But don't you want to talk about what this means?" he asked, motioning between of us to show that "this" meant "this brief attempted snogging session."

"No, Jake, I really don't," I spat, "and next time, please keep your tongue in your own mouth."

I turned sharply away and sprinted up to the boys' dorm, grabbed the map from Sirius' trunk, and ran back downstairs and out the door, avoiding Jake's hand as he tried to stop me.

Right, empty corridor. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," I muttered, tapping the map with my wand and waiting quietly for it to work its magic. Literally.

I started mumbling to myself – I do this when I'm nervous. "Remus Lupin. No, not Sirius Black, I don't want you… although good luck with those two girls you've got with you in that empty classroom. James… no, Evans, no. What the sodding hell are you two doing in the same corridor? Right, Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin, Remus Lu—ahh yes. Found you." His small name was rushing quickly from the general area of the Gryffindor tower towards what I guessed would be outside to the quidditch pitch. I immediately started following.

Now, I'm not the most graceful runner. I mean, I am a Chaser for Gryffindor and I have been since third year, so I've learned how to sprint, but keeping a steady pace is just not my thing. So I can't say I was too surprised when I found myself slipping on a set of stairs and tumbling down them. Although the sharp shooting pain in my ankle that followed did, in fact, surprise me.

Ah, bloody hell, now I couldn't walk. I must have sprained it. Pomfrey was going to kill me. I glanced down at the map and saw Moony just about at the quidditch pitch. Not that I really knew what he was doing out there, but that was beside the point. Well, I could either hobble back up six flights of stairs to the common room or I could hobble down one more and out to find Remus. I chose the second option.

I continued on my way, although now it was significantly slower going. When I reached the grounds the cold hit me suddenly, and I realized that I was only in my uniform. I had taken off my robes before dinner, and I felt the chill seeping easily through the thin cotton of my white button down. I took a deep breath and continued forward, limping and freezing, clutching the map to my chest as I glanced down every once in a while to make sure Remus was still there.

By the time I reached the quidditch pitch and surveyed the stands, spotting Remus sitting about a third of the way up, I was shivering. It occurred to me briefly that I must have looked relatively odd there, wearing only my uniform, shivering and limping.

Any hopes I had of making it to Remus before he saw me were lost when it took me so bloody long to make it to him. By the time I got to him in the stands he had been staring at me with a really evil look for about four solid minutes. I sat straddling the bench below him, carefully remaining about ten feet away.

"Remus."

"You're limping."

"I fell."

"You're shivering."

"It's cold."

He just looked at me for a really long time, but I stayed silent. Finally, he spoke.

"What the fuck, Layla? Last week I told you I love you and now you go off snogging some boy you sodding hate?"

I froze and snapped my head to look at him. "What's that, Lupin? You told me you love me? No, if I recall correctly, you told me we couldn't be together. You, my dear friend, rejected me, and now you're trying to control who I'm with? No, Lupin, I don't think it works that way."

He stared angrily forward for a minute before turning to look at me. "You know why we can't be together."

"No, Remus, I bloody don't! You've been with other girls! The only thing I can think of is that you're just making excuses!"

He stood up and jumped down to the bleacher I was straddling, shoving his hands in his pockets and glaring at me. "I am making no excuses," he growled, "and if you want to go sleep with Walker then please, Layla, by all means, I'm not stopping you."

I looked up at him, torn between sadness and anger, feeling like I had just lost something I never even had. "I wasn't snogging him, Remus. He forced himself on me, really."

"You sure looked comfy," he snorted.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you had stayed around long enough to actually see what was going on or let me explain, you would know," I spat. "No, Remus, I wasn't snogging Walker, because, see, lately I've been finding it pretty hard to snog anyone when all I can do is think about how much I wish it were you."

I stood up, wincing when I put weight on my left ankle, turning away from him so that I couldn't see his reaction. Why did I say that, again? I mean yeah it's true but he doesn't need to know that.

"Layla I…" I felt his hands on my shoulders as he turned me around to face him. For a second he looked like he was going to kiss me, and he even seemed to lean down a bit towards me, but it was gone as quickly as it came, and he let is hands slide down my shivering arms, pausing briefly at my hands before he let them drop. "I can't, Layla, I …"

"Yeah, I thought so." I stumbled backwards as defiantly as I could manage in my cold and injured state, and limped down the stairs and across the pitch as fast as I could manage. I didn't look back, but I knew without looking that he made no move to follow me.

A week passed without anything out of the ordinary. I went to class, I did little bits of my work, I slept a lot, and I didn't go to practice (damn you Madame Pomfrey and your healing ways). Jake continued to bug me each night, Sirius continued to be a whore, James continued to pursue Evans, Peter continued to eat a lot, and Remus continued to be a sodding arsehole (to be read as: Remust continued to act as though he had no interest in me, nor I in him).

It was on one such uneventful evening that I decided to take matters into my own hands... sort of. Well, I decided that if I couldn't take my own matters into my own hands, it was high time I put my pranking juices to use on someone else's matters. Just smile and pretend that makes sense. So I snuck the map away from the blokes and walked down back to the common room. Peter was chatting up some -- WOAH NOW, this was new, Pete was sitting on the couch chatting up some fourth year girl. Aw, way to go Pete. You get in her pants. You manipulate that barely-post-pubescent little mind of hers. You-- ok, wow, too long with no snogging evidently gives me a dirty mind.

Anyway. James was lying asleep in an armchair, so I wouldn't have to worry about him.

I snuck out the door and pulled out the map. Hmmmmm, let us see. Without thinking about it I reflexively started looking for his name. What? Lupin in the dorms? But I was just up there...

Whatever. Back to my wonderful plan. Oh, wait, no, I didn't have a plan. Back to my wonderful improvisation in a horrible attempt to distract myself from my own life by meddling in someone else's. Ah, yes, Evans, there you are. Kitchens. A stress eater, eh? Never would have guessed...

I began walking down the many flights of stairs, feeling the chill of the cold November air seep through the castle walls. I vaguely registered the fact that I should have worn more than what I have deemed my Whore Shorts (they scarcely cover my bum, here. I don't know how they're considered anything more than underwear...) and a tank top. No time for such sensible matters, though.

I reached the kitchens and walked in with ease, perfectly familiar with the whole fruit tickling ordeal, and saw Evans eating a large bowl of chocolate ice cream. I breathed in deeply, trying to channel the let's-go-meddle energy I had felt earlier, and walked forward.

"Hello, Evans," I said cheerfully as I continued forward to where she could see me.

Her spoon clattered down into the bowl and her entire body jumped a bit. Woah, jumpy one here. Mates, we have a jumper. Mhmm, right, anyway.

"Layla! Oh god you scared me!" Once her breathing calmed down a bit she seemed to remember that we don't get along as well as James might like us to, and that it wasn't ordinary for me to seek her out and start up a conversation. (See, James keeps trying to convince me to be all buddy-buddy with Lily so that I can weasel him into the picture. He has this all planned out in great detail.) Her eyes narrowed and her posture tensed. "What are you doing here?"

I smiled, unphased by her hostile demeanor, and shrugged, leaning forward to rest my elbows on the counter on which she ate. "Oh, you know," I sighed, "got a bit hungry. But I think the real question is what are you doing here? Last time I checked you had no idea where the kitchens were."

She blushed a bit, working to maintain her glare. "Besides the fact that I have just as much right to be here as you do, which is next to no right at all, James told me how to get here."

Was it just me or did that sentence make no sense? Ah, what a day when Evans can't form a proper sentence.

"James told you, now did he?" I smirked.

She attempted to blush and give me the evil eye at the same time. Not that the blushing was intentional.

"Yes," she said, attempting to regain her composure, "James told me."

"So how are you and Jamesy boy these days?"

"We are not a we."

I frowned, again confused by her choice of sentence construction. She was wearing sweatpants and what appeared to be an old t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and for a moment I was struck by how beautiful she was, even in such casual clothes. Maybe I could see why James was so in love with her. Wait, WHAT? What am I thinking. Evans is to be tolerated, not admired. Anyway, what was happening?

Something in the way she said that made me curious. Could it be possible that she didn't hate James as much as she let on?

"Hey Lillyyyy," I smiled, sliding closer to her over the counter, "could it mayyybee be the case that you actually like Potter?"

Her scowl turned into a Super Scowl. "Of course not!" she spat.

I backed off slightly. Key word being slightly. Okay okay so maybe it's not my business to meddle. But I have to have something to do, now don't I?

This was hopeless, though. Why I thought I could crack Evans I don't know, but I had had enough for the night (I'm not the most persistent witch in the school.)

I sighed, muttered a "whatever, your loss," and turned away to leave.

"Hey wait. Layla?"

I turned to look at her, impatience evident on my features. "Yes, darling Lily?"

"I'll tell you what's up with James and me if you confirm my suspicions about what's up with you and Remus."

My innocent features turned to hate, and I had to stop myself from immediately turning away and running out of the kitchens. But hey, take one for the team, right? I took a deep breath and let out a "deal" through clenched teeth.

She smiled, and stooped to low as to clap her hands with glee. I took a step closer to her and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for her to begin.

"Okay now," she grinned (wow she was having way too much fun with this), "you first. So here's the deal. Remus and you have been friends for a really long time. In fact, you've been friends with all four of them for a really long time. Much of that time was spent in the pre-pubescent heaven of naivety, but at one point or another, the blokes began to notice that you're not a bloke. And around that point in time, you began to notice it, too." She paused, taking a deep breath and trying to contain her grin. Apparently she had put an unnerving amount of time into this hypothesis. "Skip forward a couple years, you want to get in his pants, and he in yours, but he doesn't want anything to happen because he's pulling the 'it'll ruin our friendship' card. Well, he wants something to happen, but he won't let it. Ah, the nobility."

She nodded once to signify that she was done, and I attempted to glare at her more than I already was. She was … surprisingly correct, there, for the most part. I mean, minus the whole furry little problem thing, she wasn't missing much. GAH, why am I so transparent?

I shifted uncomfortably, and her face fixed itself into a triumphant smile.

I decided that denying anything she just said would be generally pointless. But there was still one thing that bothered me. OK, there were a million things that bothered me, but one stuck out in my mind.

"So if you know all this," I began, "does that mean the rest of the school does as well?"  
She shrugged. "Nah, I only know this 'cause James told me everything. Although his version had a lot more emphasis on the blokes beginning to notice that you're a girl." She rolled her eyes and I blushed, looking down at my bare feet. "You and Remus make it seem like you two just never got along as well as the rest of them. That's probably what everyone thinks."

So James was a traitor. Ah, god, I couldn't really blame the bloke, could I? He'd tell Lily anything in the world if he thought it'd get him on her good side. But now … about Lily.  
"Alright," I said, "now you. I've 'confirmed your suspicions', so to speak, so now you have to tell me what's up."

She sighed and looked down at her melted ice cream, poking at it with the spoon. "I can't."

"What!? What do you mean, you can't? That was the deal you made the de—"

"No, no, I mean I can't… be with him. I think that even if I … wanted to … I wouldn't let myself. I can't just give in after all this time. What will that say about me? Lily Evans: caves when pushed hard enough."

I started to laugh uncontrollably. What the sodding hell was she on about? From what she had just said, it sounded as though she might possibly not hate James. It sounded as though she might possibly even like him. Which couldn't be true. Leave it to Evans to reject him because she's worried about her image.

"So let me get this straight. You continue to reject James because you're afraid of what people might think of you if you give in? You're that shallow?"

Her face twisted into an indecisive frown. "Yes? No? Fuck, I don't know." She dropped her head into her hands, bits of her hair drooping into the sticky mess of melted ice cream in front of her. And suddenly I understood.

Ok, no, I didn't understand completely. Why she would reject him when she thought she might have feelings for him was beyond me, but … but the whole torn feelings and indecision and inability to properly reason through things? That all made sense.

I stepped forward cautiously and leaned against the counter. "I guess we're both screwed then. In a strictly metaphorical sense."

She nodded into her hands, adding a bit of a groan for the effect. Overdramatic twat.

"Well, Evans," I said as I straightened up, "we're not in the same boat here, you know. I'm not the one stopping my relationship. You're the one stopping yours. Maybe you should consider getting over yourself and giving in to what you actually want." Ah, the wise words of Layla Armone.

She sighed, looking up at me. "Yeah, well, thanks. I don't know what to tell you about Remus, though. I'm sorry…"

I shrugged. No one knows what to do with me. God it was getting late. "Well, I'm going to leave you here to enjoy your melted ice cream."

She nodded in response as I began to walk away. "Oh, Layla?"

"Yeah, Evans?"

"Can you not tell James about this little talk?"

I smirked, "What little talk?" and continued out the door.

**A/N: hideously filled with typos, eh? yeah, well, I wanted to get it to you fast. yayyy. review please! I'll try to get the next one up within a week or so, tops. thanks for reading :-)**


	6. Boring Things That Make No Sense

**A/N: Dude. Guys. I'm sorry. I so promised this about a week ago (no, I wasn't holding out because I only got 1 review on the last chapter, I wouldn't do that)... but... life got in the way. Correction: AP English summer work got in the way. In fact, it's very much still in the way. I sort of feel like this chapter is very ... not exciting. seriously, nothing happens. it's the shortest yet, I believe. ah, what a good author I am... I don't even like my own story. I feel like it's going downhill. Maybe it's just that I'm so not motivated. I won't abandon you, though, I promise. **

When I got back to the common room, it was completely empty… save for two people. Dearest Jake and Remus. They weren't talking or anything… they weren't even aware of each other's presence. Remus was, in fact, sleeping. His books were strewn about on the table in front of him and it was evident that he had been trying to study. His tie was loose around his neck and his clothes were, well, untidy to say the least. I stared at him, amazed by how the sight of him just sleeping caused me to hyperventilate. I kept on thinking about that day on the pitch, when he—

"LAYLA. Are you in there?"

Oh. Right. Jake.

I tore my gaze away from Remus' peaceful sleeping form to face Jake where he stood leaning against a table.

"Yeah?"

He strode over to me, shoving his hands in his pockets. His clothes were neat. Ugh. Neat people. He reached out a hand and rubbed my upper arm. "I haven't seen much of you lately."

"Jake, I saw you about two hours ago."

He took another step closer, closing the gap between us. I could smell his cologne. It was

too strong. I resisted the urge to gag. "No, I mean, I haven't really seen you."

I sighed – gah, mistake, breathing in too much cologne – and shifted my weight to my back foot, subtly leaning away from him. "Jake."

He tried to do that sexy whisper thing and answered simply "Yes?"

It occurred to me that I could have some fun with this… yes, toying with Jake's emotions is dangerous territory, but it just seemed like so much fun! I think I was a bit overtired and out of it. But, regardless, I leaned in closer to him, placing my mouth about an inch from his ear.

"Jake," I said softly, bringing my entire body impossibly close to his without actually touching it, "I," I spoke louder, "am," louder, "not," practically yelling, "interested! What about that can't you get through your thick skull!?" I hit him on the head for effect.

"THIS," I motioned between us, "IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN." I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for his response.

He stood there stuttering. Okay, maybe I had been a wee bit melodramatic on that one… alright, fine, maybe way way too melodramatic. But SERIOUSLY, what does this kid WANT from me. No, don't answer that.

Apparently Jake's not good with the comebacks. He just stumbled backwards and ran out the portrait hole. After curfew, Jakey boy, tsk tsk.

I sighed, pausing to examine my surroundings once again. Remus. Right. Wow, heavy sleeper. Missed the entire rejection scene. You know what? I wasn't going to stand there ogling him. No. I would be STRONG! I turned away and headed straight up to the boys' dorms. I'd go bug the rest of them instead.

--

"Layla!" Sirius said when I shoved the door open.

"Padfoot. I'm shocked, you're not out with your latest conquest?" I pulled the map out from where I had safely tucked it in the waistband of my shorts – remind me why I hadn't checked the common room before I walked in? I could have avoided Jake altogether. – and placed it safely in James' trunk. Or not safely… he loses everything.

"Well now, I'm not the one who forgot to put on clothes this evening." He snorted.

I frowned, trying not to blush. I had forgotten about the Whore Shorts.

"Shut it, you stupid dog. Where're the rest?"

"James, finding Evans. He was not very happy with you for taking that map, you know. Pete has apparently gotten friendly with some of the Slytherins, God knows why, and

Remus … I guess I thought he'd be with you."

I sighed, thinking that it was probably hopeless to try to hide my feelings from Sirius. He's quite perceptive when he's not trying to get in a girl's knickers.

"Remus is in the common room sleeping," I said.

"Well, he will be very disappointed that he missed the Barely Clothed Miss Armone this evening, won't he?"

I gave him a warning look and walked over to sit on his bed. He came and sat next to me. Our feet dangled over the edge, and I kicked the bed with my heels.

"Layla," he said softly, looking about at my knee.

"Sirius, don't. The topic has been covered more than enough, and there is no need to go over it again. Just let it go." I flopped backwards so that I was lying flat on his bed, just my legs hanging off. He joined me lying down and twisted his neck to look at me.

"I know I know I know. I just … well, Layla, what is our friendship composed of?"

I scrunched up my eyebrows, completely unaware of what he was getting at. "Uh, four blokes and a girl? A lot of pranking and making fun? Uh… I don't get it."

"No, no, you do. See, we are friends because we have malicious minds. When faced with a challenge we don't just give up, we force the challenge to bend to what we want."

I was barely following. "Sirius, just spit it out. Stop trying to sound all sneaky. It doesn't suit you."

He rolled his eyes. "And they call you the smart one. Layla Armone. Remus is a bloke, just like any other. Right now, however, he's thinking with his head. We need to get him to think with his dick."

I sat up immediately. I hate that word. "SIRIUS. Can't you just think like a normal human being for ONCE?"

He laughed and sat back up, too. "Layla I'm not kidding. Can't you just think like a normal teenage girl? When all else fails, which it has, you need to seduce him. See, when you do things like forget to put clothes on, blokes notice. We've got hormones. This can be used to our advantage. So I have a plan."

"That evil grin of yours is not reassuring."

"Are you aware of the fact that there's a school dance coming up?"

I laughed at him. He couldn't be serious. We hadn't gone to the dances, banquets, or anything of the sort since we were in third year. They were the most pathetic things of the entire year. No one went. I pointed this out to him.

"Yes," he agreed, "but if I go, the female population of the school will go. And they will have to bring dates. So everyone will go." He grinned, proud of himself.

"Wow. You sure thinks highly of yourself… I still don't see how this relates, Sirius."

"Oh, right, I forgot that part. I take you. You will go with me. You with me. And I will ask a little favor of your friend Kayleigh… So here's the equation we get. We have

Irresistible Layla plus Irresistible Sirius and then Stunningly Gorgeous Kayleigh plus Ordinary Shmordinary Remus."

"Sirius," I interrupted, "you just said shmordinary. You do realize this, yes?"

He ignored my comment. "So then, when Remus can no longer think with his head because you are so irresistible, he will run off with you, and Kayleigh and I can have our fun while you run off and shag Remus in a closet somewhere."

I groaned. "There are so many things wrong with your plan I don't even know where to start."

"Well then don't, and just go along with it. Once he realizes that trying to resist you is just a plan that's bound to fail, he will give in, and you will fall madly in love and get married and shag like rabbits and have way too many babies and everyone will be happy."

I laughed in that way that's more disbelief than a laugh that ends up sounding like you're just breathing out really fast. "I can't believe you're actually taking yourself seriously."

"Good, then it's settled. I'll have to talk to Kayleigh right away, because she has a week to plan. And then I will meet you in the common room next Saturday at seven o'clock."

I was amazed by how I had been roped into this idiotic plan, but for some unknown reason I didn't disagree. I just stood up, walked down the stairs and through the common room, back up the stairs and into my dorm. "Kayleigh," I said, "Sirius wants to talk to you." And I lay down in bed and started to work on the impossible task of getting to the numbing mindlessness that sleep promised.

--

"ARMONE, GET DOWN HERE," James screamed at me through the downpour on the quidditch pitch. Oh how I wish he had never been made captain … he definitely didn't need **that** ego-booster.

He was ending practice early, but only because we weren't allowed to practice through the lightning. I flew down and stepped off my broom, racing after the rest of the team – the intelligent ones who had already started towards the locker rooms.

It was Friday, the day before The Dreaded Dance, and I was so most definitely not any more mentally prepared for Saturday than I had been a week before. Sirius had gotten Kayleigh extremely hyped up about it, and she wouldn't stop bugging me about dresses and hairstyles. God I so should not have been born female… I'm so not cut out for it.

I had promised her, in fact, that I'd meet her in the dorms after practice for a "pep talk and trial dress." Oh dear god what had I gotten myself into.

As much as I was dreading meeting up with Kayleigh, I changed quickly and ran up to Gryffindor tower, sneaking in through the common room without being seen.

"THERE YOU ARE!" she screeched, and she jumped on me, shoving me towards the bathroom and muttering incoherently about showers and wet hair and rats' nests and practice runs. I guess I was supposed to take one. Which was probably for the best, seeing as I usually do in the locker rooms anyway, but I had skipped that minor detail today…

Whatever. I stripped down and got in, resisting the urge to scream as the hot water burned my skin. The mud and grime from practice rushed off of me, and I realized that I was really, really grateful I hadn't run into anyone in the common room – I'm not that… **clean**… after practive..

Ten minutes later I was sitting on my bed with Kayleigh kneeling behind me as she calmly brushed and tugged at my hair, twisting and braiding and tying.

"Hey, Kayleigh?" I asked.

She grunted to show that she was listening – I assume she had bobby pins in her mouth. Either that or the missing pieces of my scalp that she had pulled out.

"What… what's with you and Sirius, anyway?"

She sighed, letting my hair drop and sitting back on her heels. "I don't know, Lay. I thought I knew what I was doing, but … I didn't think he'd be so addicting."

"Addicting?"

"Yeah. He's like this drug that everyone's into, and I was so above the influence before, but I really just… am apparently not as high and mighty as I thought I was. Apparently, Sirius' charm works on me, too. And now I can't get out."

I smiled and frowned at the same time. "You seem to have analyzed this quite a bit."

She shrugged, "It's not like I have anything better to do with my time."

This is true. Kayleigh is a genius. She gets high marks in all of her classes and... well, she does a ton of work, but she still seems to end up with tons of time on her hands. Bloody genius.

"Well," I began, unsure of what I really wanted to say, "I don't want to sound like I'm scolding you or anything, but he _is_ Sirius."

"No, Lay, _I'm_ serious."

I rolled my eyes – evidently she didn't want to talk about this. "I just want you to be … careful, okay?"

"Layla, I'm not a clueless idiot. I know his reputation, I've practically grown up with you, and have, by extension, had more than enough interaction with this man-whore we speak of. You really, really don't have to worry about me."

"But if I don't spend all my time worrying about _you_," I responded, "then I actually have to think about my own life." I shuddered. What a thought.

She pulled my hair for that one. "Layla, Layla. What are we going to do with you? Oh, wait, that's right, we're going to make you look really, really, super attractive."

I rolled my eyes, but stayed quiet, letting her work with my hair. After what felt like an eternity of pulling and twisting, she let me go, and stood back to admire her handiwork. "Ah, yes. Perfect. Now I just have to figure out how to recreate it tomorrow." She dragged me off the bed and shoved me in front of a mirror.

I … actually looked pretty good, I suppose. "It's cute," I shrugged.

She laughed at me. "Layla, Layla, Layla, no. Your hair isn't what's going to matter, I just had to get it sorted out tonight. It's your dress that will matter. And I suppose your makeup, but … he's not going to be looking at your face. But! That's for tomorrow. Tonight, you have to get some sleep."

I blushed. She made me blush. I hate blushing. She wouldn't let me see the dress that she had picked out for me. I'm pretty sure she was thinking if I saw it I'd refuse to wear it, and if I saw it before the night of, I'd make her go get a different one. Which was so comforting, you know… I do so enjoy being forced into dresses that make me feel uncomfortable.

What**ever. **My hair was pulled into a sort of side ponytail, and it curled gently over my shoulder. She had also worked out some sort of braid contraption, that went across like a thin headband. Impressive.

"Well, Kayleigh, uh, thanks, I suppose. Hey, what are you going to wear?"

She beamed, and started cleaning up all the stuff left on my bed. "No problem, Lay. And don't you worry about that, I've got it all figured out. And trust me: you're the one he'll be looking at."

God, I hoped she was right.

**A/N: So, thank's for reading, I'll try to get on the next chapter. wooo hoooo!**


	7. Almost the End

**A/N: Sorry? I know that "sorry" doesn't quite cover the whole "not updating for months" thing, but... well, I've sort of given up on this story. That's no excuse for not updating, I know. I DIDN'T ABANDON IT, no, it's just that I might do one more chapter and then an epilogue. Again, sorry about the not updating thing. But you know... homework... and other stressful things. I'm sorry, I know, I just... it ... yeah yeah just read.**

**Did I mention the word sorry?**

I spent a while just working on some homework that had been piling up over the past few weeks. Well, I tried to work on it… I mean, my mind really wasn't in a place where concentration was a reasonable feat. But it's the effort that counts, right? Right.

But soon enough I got tired, and fell asleep amidst quills and parchment, and was woken by Kayleigh the next morning.

"Layla, are you trying to make my job more difficult? How am I supposed to make you undeniably attractive when you look like you haven't slept in a week?"

I shrugged, and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine then," she said, "if you're going to be difficult, then I'm not letting you out of this room until this evening."

"What! But – freedom! Fresh air! Happiness! People! Socialization!"

"You should have thought of that before. Now … rest. Or something like that."

Oh well this would be wonderful.

--

I spent the day cleaning, actually. It's amazing what you can find in your trunk when you haven't looked all year.

Kayleigh brought me food a couple times, and got all giddy, saying, "Keeping you stuck up here all day is just going to make it so much better when he finally sees you!"

Whatever. I just shoved some muffin in my mouth and kept cleaning.

Eventually, though, she made me stop, get up, and shower. It was time. I was surprisingly nervous, so I tried to talk myself through it calmly, working out some logic to calm my nerves. What I ended up doing was convincing myself that nothing was going to happen.

After finishing my hair, Kayleigh walked over to her wardrobe to get my dress.

"Prepare yourself!" She was literally squealing. The other girls in the room glanced over to see what was up.

The dress she pulled out was light blue, a halter top, with what looked (and ended up being) a dangerously low neckline. My eyes bulged. I couldn't wear that! I shook my head and held out my hand, stepping back away from her.

"No no no no no no no no no Kayleigh I can't do this you can't make me do this oh my god Kayleigh what the hell am I doing no I can't wear that!"

She laughed. Stupid sodding girl.

"Come here, Lay, put it on."

I groaned. This could not be good.

"Oh! And here are your shoes!"

"Kayleigh," I said in my Don't Mess With Me voice, "I can't wear heels."

She just shoved the dress and heels at me, and pushed me towards the bathroom. "Either you change, or I force you to."

Well, it would seem that I really had no choice in the matter, so… I suppose I could just try it, right? I mean, I could always take it off, and…

Woah. I had pulled on the dress and looked in the mirror, and … it wasn't that bad. I mean, with the hair and the dress and the necklace she'd given me, it actually wasn't that bad. And after a couple minutes of arguing with myself, I realized that I couldn't exactly wear sneakers with the dress, so… I put on the shoes. Hey, at least the gave me a couple inches in height, yeah? I was so going to fall.

I walked out, and cleared my throught. "Kay. I'm done."

She looked at me, and squealed again. Shrieked. "THIS IS SO GOING TO WORK! Gods, Lay, even I want to sleep with you right now."

There were some murmurs of approval from the other sixth year girls, which is pretty much the most I've ever gotten out of them, so I suppose that's saying something.

But now, I realized, I actually had to go downstairs. Besides the fact that I was so going to fall flat on my face, I also had to face Remus. And remain composed.

Deep breaths, right? Right.

Kayleigh came over to me in her dress, looking quite nice, and looped her arm through mine. "Layla, you're going to be fine. Now let's go."

She walked us to the top of the stairs, and called down, "Sirius Black you better be down there waiting for your date!"

I rolled my eyes, and started going down. Slowly, now.

The first one I saw was James. He was leaning against the back of a couch, arms crossed over his chest, looking in the other direction. Then Sirius, standing with his hands in his pockets. His eyes met mine and he smiled a wicked grin, elbowing James and nodding in my direction. James looked up, seemingly stunned. Why is it that they're always so surprised when I put on a dress?

And then there was Remus. He was standing just out of view so that by the time I saw him we were nearly at the bottom of the stairs, and he stood stiffly with his hands in his pockets. Ours eyes met for a brief moment, but he seemed to be preoccupied with … the rest of my body. It made me vastly uncomfortable, to be honest – what with him standing there undressing me with his eyes. I gripped Kayleigh a little harder, silently asking her to make sure I didn't fall while I was busy staring at Remus. His eyes traveled back to mine, and I wished I knew what he was thinking. One thing seemed clear enough though: lust.

I couldn't stop staring at him. That is, until Sirius popped up in my line of view and kissed me on the cheek.

"Layla. Good to see you looking so ravishing this evening."

I nodded. "Thanks, Sirius, you're looking pretty good yourself."

"No really, Layla," he said, dropping his voice and leaning close to my ear, "you look unbelievable."

I rolled my eyes, blushing slightly. I'm not good with taking compliments.

"Shall we?" He held out his arm, as Kayleigh had done, and I nodded, looping mine through his. And off we went to the Great Hall.

--

It was a couple songs into the evening, and I was getting a little antsy. I was very proud of the fact that I hadn't yet fallen or tripped, but Remus was still over with Kayleigh, and dances aren't really my thing.

"Siriusssss." I was in full blown whine mode. "It's not workinnggggg."

He sighed. "Layla, you know, I'm relatively insulted by your lack of trust. Just follow my lead."

He sort of shoved me in the direction of Remus and followed closely behind. I stiffened when Remus' eyes met mine, and would have turned and run away if Sirius hadn't been standing directly behind me, holding me firmly in place. "Stay, Layla."

"Moony! Kayleigh! What do you know… Hey, Moony, you wouldn't mind if I stole your date for a dance, would you? No? Good, good. Here, you can have mine."

Ah, to be loved by Sirius. He and Kayleigh walked away and I was left standing awkwardly with Remus. He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably.

Well this wasn't weird. I just sort of stood there, trying not to fidget. Ok whatever, if he wasn't going to do anything, I was going to go get something to eat.

"Ok, right, well, I'm gonna… go… food…" I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

"Hey, wait, I'll come with you." He smiled, and I felt my stomach twist.

We walked over to a table and sat down, picking at the food that sat in the middle of the table. Candy, mostly, but I love candy. He had taken off his robe at some point earlier, and he now loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves.

I looked back on to the dance floor, trying to keep myself from staring at Remus. Prongs was dancing with Lily, good for him. He really is a good guy, if only she had realized that a few years ago…

Remus shifted suddenly, and I looked at him with a "what?" look. He looked like he was trying to make a decision. He stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets, and nodded in the direction of the door.

"Let's go."

"Where?" I gave him a confused look.

"For a walk."

Apparently, that was enough of an explanation for him, because he started walking, evidently expecting me to follow. Which, of course, I did. I caught up and matched my pace with him until we were outside of the Great Hall. He stopped.

"I thought we were going for a walk?"

"I just wanted to get away from all those people," he shrugged, trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal.

I nodded, crossing my arms in front of my chest and looking down, attempting to interest myself in the pattern of the tiles on the floor. This was awkward.

He cleared his throat, and I looked up.

"You look amazing, you know."

I blushed and looked away, trying to suppress a grin. "Thanks."

He went back to silence for a while, still seeming like he was trying to make a decision. He opened his mouth to speak a few times, but just closed it.

"Remus, what's going on. Why are we out here, and what's up with you."

"I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to do something."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it's not a question of whether or not I want to, it's more of a question of… whether or not the repercussions will outweigh the … er, benefits."

I nodded, pretending to understand. I was doing my best to appear calm and composed when really my mind was screaming "OH fucking sodding hell what am I doing out here alone with Remus and oh bloddy fuck I'm going to kill Sirius for putting me into the situation and oh god why am I freaking out I've grown up with Moony this shouldn't be so hard and why is this so hard and—"

"So have you decided yet?" I asked, breaking the silence and trying to calm my internal monologue.

He smirked, nodding, "Yeah. Yeah, I think I have."

"… And are you going to tell me what it is you've decided to do?" This was getting annoying. I hate these stupid little games.

And then he was there in front of me and he was leaning in and he leaned ever so gently down to whisper in my ear, "Layla Armone, I'm going to kiss you now."

And I think right then I almost died and then he was kissing me and my arms were around his neck and his hands were on my waist and I was against the wall and oh gods I could barely stand and his lips were on my neck and his hands were traveling and his mouth was back on mine and—

He was intoxicating.

I think I could have stayed like that forever.

It just felt so right. It was the perfect mix of passion, excitement, and… comfort. And amazing…ness. Which is now a word.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, snogging outside of the Great Hall, but I wish it could have been longer. Eventually, though, a girl needs to breathe, I suppose, and we broke apart, panting unevenly.

"Remus…"

He shushed me. "Shhh, Lay, I just… it needed to be done."

"You realize that if you tell me we can't be together after that then you're officially the meanest human being and I'll hate you forever. Right?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes. I think he would have been mad if … what had just happened hadn't just happened. It was making us giddy. But instead of yelling at me, he just smiled, leaned his forehead against mine, and kissed me gently. "I know, I know."

I hated to be the "so-what-does-this-mean" girl, but I really had to know. "So are we…?"

"Yes, Layla. I'll be yours if you'll be mine."

I laughed. "Remus Lupin I have no idea what that's supposed to mean."

We just couldn't stop smiling. He shrugged, "That's okay. You really don't have to."

--

Eventually, we had to go back inside, and as much as we tried to play it cool we definitely were smiling too much for anyone to believe that nothing had happened. We couldn't even find out dates, though (ah, Sirius and Kayleigh…), so we just ended up sitting at a table. And when I say sitting I mean flirting, in a touchy-feely way.

Prongs wandered over with Lily, and they sat down, pretending not to notice the space (or lack thereof) between Remus and I.

The dance wound down, and we all wandered back up to the common room amid plenty of "it's about bloody time"'s in regard to Remus and I as well as James and Lily.

"I'm going to go up to bed, now, Layla," Remus said, holding onto my hand, "but that doesn't mean I won't be thinking of you."

I grinned, looking down at our hands. "'Night, Remus." I stood on my tip toes and kissed him quickly.

He stepped back, starting towards his staircase as I started towards mine.

Well, I definitely needed some sleep. That was quite a night.


End file.
